*Cleverness*

I started a journal, like, a real one. It's alright. I don't really know how to write in it, so it feels really awkward. It's like, who am I talking to? What's my audience? Is it just my 'future self'? Or my future wife, or my eventual posterity? I would write different things to each of those people. To myself I would probably put more personal things, things I've figured out, little details that it might be fun to remember. If my wife will read it, then I probably shouldn't put in a ton of details about my current besottment, because if it's not the same person she probably won't appreciate it. If my future kids will read it, then I don't really want to put in stuff about depression or struggles or like, bad stuff, because, you know, they're my kids. Daddy will be perfect in their eyes, can't be shattering that illusion.


Speaking of kids, I really want them. I'm so pumped to have babies. Tons of them. We had a joke in our apartment last semester that, one of the things you have to talk to someone you're in a serious relationship with is "the P word". So it was like, "Mike, have you talked to her about the P word yet?" P is posterity. But basically no one who's not Mormon would ever use that word, so it's funny. Somehow. I don't know.


If you want some updates on my commitments, you may be disappointed. I talked about how I was going to learn Arabic, learn to write with my left hand, get good grades, and all of that. I know no Arabic, I didn't write with my left hand even once, and I'm probably going to flunk out of school this semester. That's maybe an exaggeration, I will probably only fail half my classes. I actually want to get a 1.75 (cross your fingers) because then if someone asks what kind of grades I got my first year at college I can say "4.0... If you add both semesters together!" And we will laugh and laugh and it will be a grand old time. And hopefully they will forget that that means I got terrible grades.


Speaking of being funny, it's really early/late. I made a cake last night, cherry chip. It smelled like my birthday. I had like 3 cherry chip cakes for my 18th birthday, because I told people how much I loved them and so like 3 different people made them. My parents were out of town for my birthday, so Loni spent the night and we ate Dino Nuggets and cake and sweet Maui onion chips and watched Avatar: The Last Airbender all night. We never got to finish the 3rd season before I left, sad. It's a good show. That Sokka is really funny.


As I continue to vomit words onto this keyboard, I've realized something. This aggression will not stand. Does that make any sense to you? Probably not, because it's nonsense. I don't know why anyone would ever say it.


Yeah. I'm gonna go now. I'll probably delete this when I read it as a coherent human later. Yeah.