Midnight musings

It's strange that I sometimes embrace my depression, that I would sometimes rather wallow than climb out of the pit.

I was thinking about some things the last couple of hours that really sunk me down. Not to tears, but to a lot of regrets and sadness and, to a certain extent, helplessness. I finally forced myself to close my email and stop staring at ancient history, and I got ready for bed with a pretty troubled mind. As I knelt and prayed, though, it was interesting what I asked for. I didn't ask for Heavenly Father to take away my sadness, or help me stop thinking about these things. I just asked for things to be better in the morning. I knew that I wanted to lay down in bed and think about this stuff, I wanted to allow my depression to seep in a little deeper before I cast it out. This certainly isn't the ideal way, but I suppose there must be something cathartic in letting yourself work things out in your mind as you fall asleep. Maybe it's just a way of closing the book. When sleep rolls in, the problems roll out, ne'er to be heard from again. Who knows.


On another note, I had a very interesting experience with the scriptures yesterday. One particular chapter that struck me unlike almost anything I've ever read. The Lord just said, "Yeah, this is for you. Really. Listen up." It was an answer to some prayers that I've had for a long time, and also some words of counsel and chastening that perhaps I didn't know I needed. Either way, it was a marvelous experience to have the spirit witness so plainly that these words were what the Lord needed to say to me right here and now. People say they'd do stuff if Christ or an angel came down and showed them a sign, or gave them instructions. But frankly, I can't find much difference. If you're in tune with the spirit, it speaks just as clearly and powerfully as any thundering from Sinai.

Legit, as they say. Real legit.